It’s just G. Vol. 3
I remember it vividly. The voices in my head. The thoughts of suicide constantly being there. I had just spent several days of studying lyrics, analyzing them, and outlining what they meant. While I was doing this I was barely eating anything or drinking enough fluids to stay hydrated. I was consumed with trying to find the secret behind how to get your friend signed by the record labels in the world. I remember taking two Adderall at a time through the entire night. Every hour on the hour. The voices in my head developed names along the way. The names of the voices in my head were Kanye West, Jay-Z, Beyonce, and Lil Wayne. They kept encouraging me to take more Adderall and that the lyrics I was analyzing were leading me to the message I was yearning to learn. I never in a million years would have thought at the time that it would lead me to the devil. I remember the voices all telling me that if I just killed my sister, my mom, or myself things would be easier for my entire family going forward. The serpent tongue I felt inside my mouth was non stop licking my lips every single time I looked at my sister. It got so bad that I contemplated killing myself to get the thoughts out of my head and the demon out of my mouth. So I fought it. Then the voices turned into delusions. I was going around my house trying to get rid of the soul sucking green holes that were trying to get my mom. I assumed they were trying to get her due to the fact I had agreed with the voices in my head to join the Illuminati and spread their message. God I am so glad you intervened man. I don’t think it would have went the way things did if it wasn’t for you. I remember you coming into my body and the feeling is something only those who have had it happen to them can understand. The sense of calm and clarity I had when you came inside me was the most amazing thing.
The connection was so strong between God and I that I was unable to look anywhere but up towards the sky. I remember him asking me if I wanted to walk the Earth with him for seven days and I declined. I declined because I was afraid of him being upset with me for the choices I have made in my life. He then asked me if I would sit around the table with my mother and sister and have them all say the “Our Father” prayer. Every time I messed up he would say again. I was messing up because the devil was still attacking my mind. That if my brother walked in through the front door it would be to kill me. After I say “Our Father” numerous times my brother does in fact come to the house. That’s when the voices in my head were telling me he was going to the rock by my house to grab the sword underneath it to kill me. That if I could get the sword first I’d be able to not die. Luckily, God was still with me and told me that Kyle is my passion of Christ. I am not sure what that truly means to this day but I credit him with being one of the reasons why I am alive today.
So after a few hours of me going around my house introducing God and Kanye West to my family members, I decide to sleep at my oldest brothers house because I thought that would get the green dots trying to suck out their souls to follow me. When I was at my brothers house I tried to sleep for the first time in awhile but instead the voices came back harder then ever saying that Kanye was on his way to come get me to bring me back to his house to start working on a mixtape together. Yet, it turns out the cops are looking for me and I am one of the most wanted men alive because the girl who I wanted to get famous for to talk to me again told them I was joining the Illuminati. Mentally I was So Far Gone. I remember hiding underneath the blanket with little air coming in because it was so tight around me. Then the Kanye voice told me that I had to go the Lil Wayne route and that was by burning myself alive in a casket and that I’d end up at his house. While this was going on I felt a presence over me and the voices told me that they were the girl but looking back at it I think it was the Devil. This is because God came to me that night again and told me I was protected by a white light and just had to get through the night for better days to be coming.
Luckily I was able to make it through the night. At this point though I was afraid of sleeping at my house because my mother was sick. I didn’t want to harm her as well. So I slept at my brothers house, Kyle’s, this time. When I was sleeping there the voices came back to my head saying that I should go grab the knives from the kitchen and kill myself and/or kill my brother because he’s out to kill me. I didn’t sleep the entire night because I was afraid of these thoughts being able to control my actions. To this day I still struggle with everything I went through with my mental breakdown. It is the hardest battle for one to deal with because the mind is the biggest organ in a humans body. I deal with constant thoughts daily that the devil is coming for me again or that people from the Illuminati are trying to get me for exposing their secrets. I know they are irrational thoughts but that’s what people with mental illness do. We have irrational thoughts. We have panic attacks. We worry about things we shouldn’t have to. I can only speak on my story but I truly believe that individuals who develop voices in their heads are because the devil takes over their brains. He seeks out the mentally weak and feeds upon their insecurities. That is why I am so happy that I won my battle with the Devil. But not the war. That’s why I want to keep spreading my message and get my story out there. So people will realize that God is real and if we don’t turn to him that things will be going downhill shortly.
Its. Just. G.